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A mother who finds it difficult to delegate
It’s baby bath time, and the house is upside down. You have a thousand things to do, and your partner told you that he cares about the moment in the bathtub while preparing dinner. Sounds good, so you get to work … but at some point when you go to the bathroom to see how everything is going, you realize he’s already taking it out, but you notice some fluff peeking out of her little neck.
You silently grumble and say, “Let me finish it, ” as you settle in to bathe him again. If this scene sounds familiar to you, you may be one of those mothers who find it difficult to delegate, and who in the long run, can be overcome by the inequality in the distribution of tasks.
The division of delegate tasks, does it exist?
- I think this is one of the most challenging points that precedes “delegating.” Before, women stayed at home and men went to work, but it turns out that things have changed, and now women also work outside.
- In an ideal scenario, housework and childcare should be shared 50/50, but reality indicates that we are nowhere near that figure.
- That is why the starting point is essential: it is vital to agree on the division of tasks.
- This point is essential because having to tell your partner everything to do is exhausting (for both of you, obviously).
- The idea of delegating is to remove part of the “mental load” that mothers have, but if we only remove execution and not planning, we are not doing the task altogether.
“It’s that nobody does things like me.”
- I could bet we’ve all thought about it at one time or another. And you may be right in a way because no one will do things the same as you: the other person will do it differently.
- A little better or a little worse, but different and just as valid.
- To delegate with conviction, you have to act as you would in a company: trust him, except that a person may be going down a different path than you, that they are gradually perfecting their technology, and that even that Result may surprise you.
- The purpose of delegation is to share the daily workload more fairly and alleviate that burnout and the constant feeling that we are not getting it all.
- Always keep in mind that to take care, we must take care of ourselves and keep ourselves well physically and mentally.
What can I do if it is difficult for me to delegate tasks to my partner?
- It should be the primary tool of any matter between couples. It is a topic, but getting it can be really complicated, especially in issues that have to do with housework and childcare.
- I recommend doing it in a relaxed space, better outside the home (taking a walk or having a coffee), without children, and avoiding relapse into reproaches about what each one does and does not do.
- It is essential to make the other see that we are overloaded and that we need to rearrange certain things to feel better, but with tact.
Reflect on your way of saying things
- often, it is easier to have a relaxed conversation if we have previously thought about the message and how we want to convey it.
- That’s why it’s always good to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself how you would like them to say these kinds of things to you.
Be a little more permissive
- overtime, I have learned to accept that not everything has to be perfect (by the way, perfect in my eyes, which does not imply that it is reality), less with two girls and without a family to support us.
- Nor is it necessary to tell the other person all the time because, in the end, they will think that everything is wrong, and that is precisely the shortest way to demotivate them.
Learn to Disconnect
- When you’re not delegating, your brain creates a mental map of every little thing that needs to do at home for it to work.
- Messages from WhatsApp to your partner indicating how, when, and where. So, a good practice is to find time for yourself, give the necessary instructions, and completely disconnect.
- If your partner goes to the park with the kids and doesn’t bring towels or hasn’t bought the tomatoes they need or whatever, he’ll find a solution, and in the end, nothing will happen.
- A lot of women (this is a gender I’m talking about because I’ve never heard of a man in my life) may think that if we don’t control everything, or at least you control everything, the machinery will fail, and the house will be up in no time Destroying time itself.
- From my own experience, I can say that this is not the case, that they can do everything perfectly and are more practical than us in the face of many minor everyday problems.
- It is important to trust that the other person will feel able to take on tasks they have never encountered before.
A final note
- At home, children learn by example, so they must see that at home there is co-responsibility so that they assume it as something normal.
- On the contrary, if what they witness day after day that mom (or dad) is in charge of everything,s they will normalize and what they will have in their head for the rest of their lives.