Nowadays, one of the significant challenges for parents is to bring the essence of their children to the fore. It is not an easy task because it is necessary to balance the education offered to them with individual freedom to achieve this.
However, you can start by expressing and respecting your feelings, showing your taste, and appreciating them as their own and individual. Never expect your children to be what you want as parents and respect and love who they essentially are.
Table of Contents
The difficulties of being parents
- Today we all know that it is tough to be a good father or just a father with the increase in divorces, separations, single mothers, and families.
- Where the father and mother work outside the home, the time left for children is very little.
- Even so, I am convinced that, regardless of the pace of work or the life situation of each member of the family, we always have time to change and improve.
- Being a better parent, even if it is not easy, can be achieved by following a few principles that must put into practice daily, which I will list below:
Power struggles between parents and children
- Power struggles occur when someone believes they have lost authority and want to regain a sense of control.
- They result in negative feelings, and it is pretty challenging to come up with a satisfactory solution, if not impossible.
- Parents pretend to control their children and then feel guilty for losing patience.
- Children get angry, depressed, and fantasize about how to regain control over their parents.
- The feeling of loss of power often begins at an early age, and parents who have experienced this feeling often pass it on to at least one of their children.
- Probably the one who has similar character traits and who the parent does not like.
- Thus, parents can avoid power struggles by being honest about what they don’t like about themselves.
- Understanding yourself through self-awareness enhances our work as parents.
To resolve power struggles, take note of the following tips:
- Ask questions instead of orders.
- Have a place to hide when a power struggle breaks out.
- Give your child more than one option to choose from.
- The person you have to control is yourself, not your child.
- Laughing out loud in the middle of a power struggle succeeds in stopping it.
Facing a power struggle wisely is the first step to becoming a better parent.
How to Praise and Criticize Children
- Praise and criticism are judgments that one person makes about another.
- Knowing how to communicate these judgments will improve the work of parents and their relationship with their children.
- Praising the child when he expects it only shows that the father is doing what a good father “should” do.
- When the child shows work that he has done at school that he thinks is wonderful, he seeks praise to reinforce his feelings.
- It is okay to grant them, but your own opinion should guide you, not the parents’ judgment.
- When the child knows that he has done something wrong and cannot prevent them from discovering it.
- Criticism and subsequent punishment have already formed in his mind, although the parents have not yet intervened.
- The child will know when he has done something wrong if he has learned to judge his actions.
- Saying nice things to children when they are not expecting it will have a lasting effect.
- Saying something nice is not necessarily praise, but it shows that you have a positive attitude, which is very necessary for parents.
- It communicates a positive vision of life that will transmit to the child.
The importance of being weird
- Most children think there is something wrong with them.
- They often conclude that they are different from other children when they start school.
- Once the child realizes that it is weird, this becomes a problem for him.
- A parent who suddenly does the opposite of what their child expects may seem odd.
- A “weird” parent is not afraid to appear stupid in the eyes of his child or to put himself on his level and “act like a kid.”
- Being weird is another way to strengthen the bonds between parents and children.
- Good parents establish potent bonds with their children, even if they have to give up absolute control to do so.
Here are some guidelines on how to be weird:
- Find time to express passion for a particular interest.
- The parents’ behavior should not guide the child’s future as much as the inner life, intentions, wishes, and feelings of the parents.
- You have to say or do things from time to time that the child does not expect.
- Spend a lot of time with your children alone.
- You have to talk with your children about things that interest the father, even if they seem not to understand what you are talking about.
- You have to defend your ideas vigorously but do not demand that children have the same opinions.
Don’t ridicule something your child takes very seriously.
Teach children to do things for themselves
- When parents believe they should do everything for their children, children may not learn to be responsible for themselves.
- Good parents do minor things for their children, leaving them to take responsibility for them.
The father’s self-esteem is essential
Most good parents care about their children’s self-esteem and will do anything to promote it. They will almost always have to increase their own first.
Self-esteem could define as the experience of walking through life with a feeling of well-being and satisfaction.
Therefore, the best way to improve self-esteem is to seek more experiences that produce well-being and happiness.
To be satisfied as a parent, there are some basic feelings to try to experience:
- You have to try to have fun.
- You have to trust that your children are healthy and happy.
- And also, have to believe that others respect you as a parent.
- You have to feel satisfied with the work you do.
- And also, you have to fight against excess anxiety.
- You have to believe that children appreciate the contributions of their parents to their successes.
Learn to apologize
Parents are always right, even when they are wrong. It isn’t easy to overcome this type of education. It takes a lot of psychological blows, spiritual crises, and personal honesty. That is why many of us avoid improving as parents until it is too late and our children are too old to thank us.
Apologizing can teach your children many important lessons while helping to maintain a sincere and realistic relationship with them. Here is a list of what they can learn:
- They learn that they don’t always have to be correct and that they are still good people even if they are wrong.
- They learn that you have to admit a mistake before you can correct it, and correct errors are essential.
- They discover that asking is complex and that you have to be strong to do it.
- They learn that it is unnecessary to hold grudges because you feel guilty about something you have done.
- Everyone begins to hate the person towards whom they harbor a feeling of guilt.
- They learn to apologize to their parents when they have been offended and resolve their regrets and guilt complex.Apologizing to children when they have been offended or mistreated is the best way to show them that they are worthy of respect.
Good parents treat their children with respect, and their children are likely to get more success in this world so complex.
Think about how you would have felt as a child if your parents apologized for your offenses, especially those who have not yet forgiven. Don’t make the same mistake with your children.